So sad so sad...my heart once again shedding tears

Alhamdullillah safely arrived in Jeddah. I feel like crying once again when I am now miles away from my family and friends. Do I love this job? Yes actually. It's not the job that I hate but the ppl..the colleagues. Bunch of hypocrite ppl that act hollier in front of u but behind u they talk bad about u. Here what u talk and whom do u talk to, u must be careful. Ppl can easily twisted ur words and spread the negative perception about u. It happens in every part of the world. Ppl are trying hard to look hollier by making others look sinful. It is wrenching my heart when my sister and brother in Islam are the one who backstabbing me. If they have problems with me why can't they meet me personally. I am more than happier to take advice from my friends. That shows u care about me. Unfortunately some ppl prefer to smear the good name of their own friends. So perhaps they will be getting praises and respect upon disgracing others. I am not here to please ppl. I am not good in pretending good. What u see on me is what is in me. I don't fake just to be loved and to earn respect from others. I can't control what ppl going to say about me. If they want to have a word with me I am wise enough to listen and learn from it. But pls don't simply say it based on nasty rumours. The person who is creating the rumours should have the gut to confront me but instead they chose not to and using their charming pretentious kindness to lure others to speak up for them. If my firm stance on my faith bothers u, then I would not apologise on that. U can act smart in whatever things u want, but don't try to act smart if u don't have the right knowledge when it comes to hukum hakam. Wrong is still wrong even when everyone does it. I can't compromise those things that against the Shariah. Yes having a different opinion is ok but being different from what is clearly prohibited and permitted is totally unacceptable, wrong and Sinful. If u wanna commit a sinful act why bother me to join u? U can belied human, but to Allah the All Wiser, He knows what's in ur heart. I seek protection from Allah toward an evil eyes and malicious heart. May He lends me a strength to stay patient and may He dispose the bitterness and my sadness toward ease.

#OhAllahMakeMeStrong

The end of holiday

The 8 days leave is almost end. Tomorrow I am going back to jeddah.. Sob sob sob.. Can't wait for another long leaves again. Lots of thing I haven't done... Well more like I didn't manage my time wisely.. Hahaha.. Can't blame me though..  I used almost every single day of my leave hanging out with my friends and family..and moggies not to forget.. Hehehe.. My flight is at 2050 tomorrow..hmmm.. May Allah protects my journey back to jeddah. Now weather is not really good..turbulence happens all the time I can say. InsyaAllah to Allah we seek protection, may He ease and smooth my flight tomorrow. Ameen.

Man and his ego

I dont get sometimes this kind of guy. When he said he is serious to get married and wanna get to know u better but didnt actually bother to exert enough efforts to make it works. I am not his subject of entertainment to occupy his boring day. He always being busy and had a hectic day. I am freaking busy as well. With my back to back working schedule, travelling places here and there I am moreee than hectic the he is claimed to be. But i do have time to text him to tell him my whereabouts, and even tried to make an effort to make a video call..it was always me who initiated an efforts to keep him updated..he can just read my messages without even bother to reply or even bother to apologise when he could not make it to online last night. I was the one who wide awake waiting for him to online while sipping my hot cappuccino. The consequences after could not resume sleeping was craving for foodss...dem..there goes another few kg gained that night!

I really dont get this man. He really has his unique way to make woman feel ‘appreciated’. I dont ask for ur money, i dont look on ur family background or even care how handsome u re, ur degree or what so ever..those material traits are not important to me. If i want money i have many guys that earn more than you. Even their salary is 5 times higher than u. I will be in clover for the rest of my life if I marry any of them. Though they are not as handsome as you, but who cares..money do can buy you diamond and new clothes right?

Unfortunately, my heart is not yearn for all of that. What i want from you is just you to perform prayer 5 times a day. Nothing more or less. I want husband that can lead me in pray. A husband that can admonishing me and help me to become a better servant of Him. That’s all i need. Money, beauty, education, status..are all temporary. None of that are matter to me. The outward is not important to me. What matters is my deen. My faith comes first. There is a Syariah boundary that I will not go beyond just to get you. I am not gonna chasing you if that is what you are up to. It is not because of repercussions of my ego but because my pride as a Muslimah that I choose to believe in my fate and accept the Qada’ and Qadar that have been written for me. If something is meant for me, it will not miss me, but if it is not than Alhamdulillah, Allah has a better plan for me.

I guess I am not a perfect match for you. I am pretty sure InsyaAllah, one day He will meet u up with your half of deen. And same goes to me as well. I know Allah has created one fine man for me. Even if it is not in this duniya, he is waiting for me in the Jannah. InsyaAllah.

KIPAS

If ‘kipas’ is a necessary skill to be learnt to survive then I prefer to being myself. I am not a hardcore people-pleaser. I dunno how to show a cute face just to be accepted, respected and appreciated. Soften my voice’s tone so it sounds sexier and graceful just because pll will form opinions as you speak..well what the h***.. eventually they talk anyway. I dont follow what ppl say, but rather I more fear what Allah say. Being gediks and manje2 are not what being taught in Islam. Be good at heart, and choose your words wisely. Let ur words be kind not because to please ppl but because ur fear to Allah. Be kind to ppl not because u want something in return but it is what Allah command every human being  to do. Accepting and adapting to changes doesnt mean you have to disservice urself by shapeshifting to be liked by all. Anthing that against ur faith u must not compromise at all. Ppl can passing judgement on you, but the Final Judgement is between you and Him. Remember my frens (and to me as well), this beautiful sunny day in duniyah is a temporary, u shouldnt work hard so much to please the duniyah in fact work extra harder to please Allah because in the end only Him that matters.  

Rindu Allah 100000000000..(infinite)%

Lamer nyer tak tulis blog nie..hehehe..what can i say..writing isnt my forte though I have so much things I would love to share here. Alhamdulillah yesterday was my second trip in performing umrah since I started work here. All praises due to Allah for His invitation and the smooth journey. The first trip when I performed the umrah with other staffs, the feeling was different. I guess that time I were so distracted with what happened before till I lost my focus. Astagfirullah Al Azim, Allah the Oft-forgiving may He forgives me for being so impatient towards His test. There were lots of thing going on and sometimes I feel like I have lost my touch and feel disconnected from Allah. The devil is trying to make me feel I was not being loved by Allah. I have to stay strong, Allah always love me..no matter what happens, whatever written for me is for the best. Allah knows the limit I can afford. He is testing me out of His mercy, love and bless. So everyday I will keep on telling myself, Hey dear heart..Allah cares about you so much, through trial He teaches you to stay strong..He wants u to be closed to Him, u shed ur tears inside and u made dua everyday, u recited Al Quran, You asked Him to dispose ur affairs towards comfort and ease.. U were astray, U lost and u stumbled but u refused to stop so u kept on walking hoping ull find the correct way back.. cant u see..how His love takes u back to the correct path?

Always remember HEART, u re never alone in this world. Allah is always there for u. He Loves u so much and He never abandoned you. U must have faith in Him. Put ur trust in Him, Tawakul MinAllah. With Allah Will, everything will turn out fine, InsyaAllah.

To my heart,
Imaan